Mad Girl Diaries - Dear God, Save Me

“I’m gonna punch you in your fucking head!” These are the types of epithets I hear on almost a daily basis from one or more of my disgruntled or drunk Sugar Does America tour mates. Obnoxious, loud, passionate, intoxicated, driven, irritable, egotistical, self-centered, envious, crazy, emotional, cheerful, hilarious, humble, snobby, passive aggressive, insensitive, loving, forgiving, stubborn, indifferent, opinionated, bitchy, verbally abusive, giving, secretive, expressive, sensitive, protective, defensive…..I could really go on for hours.

Most days I feel like I’m riding on a short bus full of bipolar toddlers who haven’t been given their medication, and I wouldn’t dare to exclude myself from being part of the “special kid” clan. Shit, I’m the fucking leader. All I need is a blinged out helmet and I’ll be set for life.

However, our ride isn’t a short bus at all. We’re riding in a 1992 Ford Ecoline 14 passenger van that my loyal teammates and I transformed into Precious Electric Sparkle, the Sugar Art and Fashion Show tour van that possess a magic and energy that cannot be described or replicated. And despite all of our childlike faults we’ve all banned together to do something wildly innovative, powerful, inspiring, and prolific.

Ever since I was a weirdo kid I knew I’d grow up to do something notable. Only problem was my ambition didn’t match the size of my unfocused dreams. Not until my early twenties anyway. Some magical spiritual whirlwind occurred in my life that lit my ass on fire, and told me I had to change the world and make my hot pink imprint before I left it. Even if it was in a loud, obnoxious, and rebellious manner….it had to be done.

Although, my outlandish characteristics are a rarity in our boxy boring as shit society, every once in awhile you find individuals that fall in sync with your beliefs and outlook on life. I’ve been lucky enough to find several along my journey to self discovery and destination to change the world. Each possessing eccentricities and “abnormal” ways of living that would have the average Joe taking a second glance and cocking their head in bewilderment, yet finding the particular specimen enchanting and bewildering.

I never expected to be doing what I’m doing now nor did I expect to be doing it with 4 complete strangers. How we fell together I’ll never know, and I try not to question it too much. It is what it is and I suppose it all happened because it was in the cards of in better terms, I willed it.

But in order to understand our odd dynamic you need to get to know these interesting characters. I’ll start with Kellie. Kellie books all of the designers for the Sugar Does America Tour. I’ve coined her as “The Blonde Bombshell”, which sometimes I’ve come to regret. She is a buxom pornish-like blonde. A spunky and sometimes airy princess type character that tends to drive me the most mad due to the fact the we’re polar opposite or maybe it’s because we’re the most alike. I doubt the latter. She tends to use her shapely body and good looks as her weapon and fakes idiocy to get her way. I suppose it’s quite brilliant if you really think about it, but it can be quite nauseating to watch. However, at the end of the day she shows passion and loyalty to our production and brings a positivity and lightness to our production which is why she wins in my book.

Next is Krystle the Sugar Does America Casting Director. She is known as the “Krust Monster”, the “Gorgeous Mess”, “Krustle”, and some other nicknames that are inappropriate anywhere but our tour van. Krystle is an odd mix of ferocity, Snooki, and inebriation. She’s probably the most stubborn woman besides myself that I’ve ever encountered. She has a beautiful strength in her that can sometimes take you aback, but she’s wild as fuck and has a very passionate love affair with liquor and ganja. She wakes up cranky as shit on a daily basis, which has everyone running for the hills in avoidance and fear. Lucky for me she absolutely loves her work and does an excellent job doing it. Even though she doesn’t trust that I know what I’m doing half of the time. I forgive her and I’ll love her anyway.

Then there’s Jameson. Jameson is the Sugar Does America Beauty Coordinator and my loyal sidekick. I like to call him Little Nicky. He’s easily one of my favorites due to the fact that he’s the most passionate and hardworking out of the tour crew. He’s easily loved, but he has an incredibly mischievous evil side to him, which I enjoy immensely. He lies about dumb shit, pulls pranks, says what’s on his mind, and talks mad shit ALWAYS!!! If there were a Sugar predecessor he would definitely be one of my top picks.

Last but not least we have Linda, the tour photographer and videographer. She is known as “the SBD (Silent But Deadly)” or the “Vandalist”. Linda is probably the most humble one in the group and the most out of place. The rest of us are divas while Linda remains the most grounded. Her presence on tour helps me remain some sense of sanity and humility while dealing with the rest of the freak show. However, don’t let her sweetness fool you. Linda is dangerous in a quiet way. All I’ll say is when she leaves your building search for “Linda Nuves” written somewhere in or on the vicinity. She’ll bomb the shit out of anything and have a great laugh about it at your expense!

So there we all are the Sugar Does America shit show! What we lack in sensibility, grace, and sanity. We make up for with passion, determination, and entertainment. All for one and one for…..that would be a lie! We’re all selfish as fuck.

Visit www.sugarartandfashionshow.com to keep up with our many adventures and to find out when we’ll be in your city to cause chaos and wreck shit.

Always,

Timmery

(exoh)

(L-R) Kellie, Jameson, Myself, Krystle, & Linda

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